Big.Brother's.Shadow. (For Michael)

On February 22, 1999, my older brother Michael passed away in an automobile accident. It's amazing to me how something that happened 10 years ago still has a way of being a sensitive area for me and my family.
But God is so sovereign because it was through my brother's passing that I found poetry...which isn't just a hobby to me, or a talent I claim to have...but it is a way I worship my Father. And whether or not anyone cares or clamors to read a word I care to write, it is a gift that I was given to express the deepest pain one can experience: grief.

So, I write.
And every year around this time, I write something for him. About him.
So that I can rest in the fact that he is still missed...and not forgotten.
I can sit with most anyone and tell you about Mike, if given the time...
But there are only two things that are essential at the moment for you to know:
He was my big brother, and I loved him.
Enjoy....


Smiles and
Bright eyes.
I regard my youth with
With a bit of fondness
Because I had you.

I followed you closely…fascinated,
Because your manner
Hinted at a strength outside
Your years…
…and inconsistent with your “kool-aid” socks
And high-top fades.

I.
Big brother’s shadow.
Never leaving your side
Unless the sun was down.
[Your bedtime was later than mine.]

Grins
And high-fives.
I hated dresses
And itchy tights in my youth
Because I had you.

I mimicked you faithfully
Through basketball jerseys,
Blasting my Outkast cassette tape,
To mastering the final level of
Super Mario Brothers…

I was
Big brother’s shadow.
I wanted to be great,
Just like you.

Sighs
And broken hearts.
I learned of love early
In my youth
Because I had you.

You showed me unintentionally
What a man is and isn’t
Meant to be.
From sneaking peeks into that little black book,
Finding dirty letters in the laundry piles,
To your care for probable offspring…

I miss being
Big brother’s shadow.
Where I found safety
To openly abandon myself in innocence,
And a growing hope
On which to gaze and glean from...